I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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