Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
