The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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