I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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