Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize