We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
