our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
