I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
40s are totally the cure
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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