Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
