I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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