At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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