I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
