How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
