Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
