it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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