JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
