Cold hands, warm shart.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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