i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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