just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
