OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize