I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize