alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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