At least make sure they are 18
Why
North Korea, Best Korea!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
