I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just gargled with NyQuil
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
