Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
