Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
