the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
