Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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