what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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