also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
