By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
