When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
