weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ugly people sure do ruin things
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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