I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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