went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
