ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
