It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
