Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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