Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
