You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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