i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize