I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
