She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
