If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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