Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
