Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
