I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
