I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize