you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
