It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
