I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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