just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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