Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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