ugly people sure do ruin things
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
