I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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