i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
