david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize