It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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