I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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