dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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