Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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