if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
