I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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