How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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