bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
