i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize