I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
