9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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