im six kinds of drunk right now
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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