Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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