My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
