The maid of honor just puked.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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