Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
