I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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