Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
