She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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