So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
