i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
