when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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