maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
