i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
