I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
