1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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