party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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