she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
