Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
