seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
