After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
ttyl tear gas
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize