Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Two words: blizzard sex
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
