oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
