My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
