This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
