woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Never joke about your clitoris.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize