Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
