I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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