I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
