I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
