College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
