youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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