Non-Jews are for practice
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize